My Greatest Fear

What is your greatest fear?

Yes, its true that we always have an answer whenever we're asked that.

But how accurate is that answer?

I mean do you really fear spiders that much?

Ask yourselves, what do you really, REALLY fear the most?

I know what I fear the most. Just realised what it was.

My Greatest Fear, is being forgotten. To have not existed.

There was a time I wished I were forgotten, to be invisible and stay that way. But now, its my worst nightmare.

I think maybe that's why I decided to start writing. Because that way, no matter who walks into my life and how they walk out of my life, Someone, Somewhere will know my story. Someone, Somewhere will always, ALWAYS remember.

So, for those of you who have left, for those of you who have forgotten. Those of you, to whom I never existed.

I DON'T CARE.

I could breathe before you. and blood. Flowed through my veins before you

And now, after you're gone. I'll still breathe.

True, It may be difficult for a while. And I may need a heart-lung machine.

We all have to go through such a phase, at least once during our lives, albeit for different reasons.

But hey, Fear and Pain-not the physical kind, probably the two feelings that make us truly human.

They remind us that we aren't invincible and that we aren't the Masters of the Universe. It reminds us of our place as tiny fragile beings.

Obituary

Every story has an ending. Some have happy one. But some of the greatest, end tragically. Well, maybe not always. But more often than not.

I am, like every one of you reading this, a mere human. I have my limits. If you trip me, I'll stumble, and maybe even fall. If you stab me, I'll bleed.

And when we see the end nearing, we done one from a handful of things. Run and hide, take it as it comes, or maybe bring help.

The end, however, is inevitable. And no amout of preparation, no thickness of armour, will ever be enough.

A writer cannot write without a muse.

A writer cannot exist without a muse. And this writer refuses to find another muse.

I may manage without my muse. But I made a promise, a promise I still wish to keep. But, if things go on like this, it'll be a promise I will be unable to keep.

I cannot put anyone through any sort of pain. Not at least, for ME.

I'm sorry, but that's the way I was raised.

I don't need to be fixed. I don't WaNT to be fixed.

Therefore, today a story ends. And a good man, or a part of him is dead.

R. Is Dead!

Because I Don't Know How Not to

How far would you go for someone?

What is the last thing you'd like to do before taking your last breath?

Ever ask yourselves these questions?

Well I've been asking myself just that all day.

Actually, all day for a few days now.

And I've decided that Although somethings do not change, and probably never will, I know I must let go.

Because one day, many many years from now (if I'm around that long), I'll think of these last 3-6 months and cherish them as probably the best of my life.

BUT, when you think of them, you'll wish they were 30-40 YEARS instead. Because no matter what you think, or say or believe, I love you More than anyone has ever loved a girl.

But this doesn't matter anymore.

I'm just a boy, in love with a girl, hoping, praying and begging her to love him back.

No wait, I WAS that.

You're the BEST thing that's ever happened to me.

You're the BEST part of my life.

Umm. No. Those don't sound right either.

Right now, I wish I'd never met you. NOT because I don't love you. But because I DO. And I don't know how to stop.

But you know what? Every person I've met after I've met you, has been worth meeting.

And yeah, I know. Some primitive brains cannot understand what my simple yet expressive words convey.

So now, I'm ripping my heart (or at least what's left of it) out of my chest. And now I'll either be that person you, and all those before you believe I really am. At least that way, no one will ever call me fake.

Either I'll be that, or I won't be at all.

Not to you anyway.

Train on the Tracks

There are a few of us that can "read" people. i mean the ability exists in everyone to some extent. how esle would you explain how we make friends?

But these few have a heightened version of this ability. This means they can "read" people, everything rom behaviour to habits to what the future might hold for the two of them.
It's not assuming. just deduction based on observation.

It therefore is easy for them to decide what to do for whom. how someone may be helped and how their worries may be taken care of.

I think I'm one of them. I THINK.
But instead of staying away from those i should. I Stay. I Stay and put every effort into being the perfect person possible for them. Be the support they need to sort out whatever they need to. Be there to catch them when they fall. And i know that just saying this makes me look like I'm pretending. Preteding to be this "nice"
Right now, even I think i may be fake.

But all in all, Whether I can read people and see what's coming. or even, If I'm fake, The simple truth is

When you're standing on the tracks, It doesnt matter whether you see the train coming, or whether you're an Elephant. OR that you're pretending to be an elephant.

When the train hits you.
It Hurts!

A Dream

Ten years from now, when you're walking down the street, and you look beside you, what do you expect to see?

Twenty years from now, when you come home, do you open the front door? Or will there be someone there to open it for you?

Forty/Fifty years from now, when you wake up, and you get that feeling. that "Today will be my last" feeling. What's the last thing you'd like to do? Who's the last person you'd like to see before the day ends?

Think about it. Just think about it for a moment or two. And then let go of the thought. Because right now, It's not really Important.

Having goals and aspirations is fine, but spending every waking moment trying to make your dreams come true may not necessarily be a good thing. We tend to lose ourselves in the pursuit of a dream. A dream that sometimes, must stay a dream.

We musn't dwell on the past. much as we musnt push too hard to make a dream, Real.

As someone once said, "The past, is History, The future, a Mystery"

I'd like to add that "Sometimes, A dream, is just that, A Dream."

Those That Remember

What is Life all about? At the end of a long life, what do we use to decide whether or not it's been a life worth living?

I don't think it's the 8-digit Bank balance, or the line of cars outside the 23-bedroom mansion, by the beach. I believe it's the company we've kept.

In other words, the quality of our lives can be gauged by the quality of those that remember (or forget) us when we're no more.

And by these standards, I know, already, that My life will have been one of those worth living. I have amazing parents, a kickass brother, a bunch of crazy friends who'd gladly rip out a kidney for me (and for whom i'd do the same). And a Girl, THE Girl, Who'll love me (And in a few years, our kids), forever.

We fight, all of us. We fight so much it's like wolves fighting over deer. But what's more important is that after a fight, we always, ALWAYS, make up.

Simply because, Although it may sometimes be difficult to live with them, SOMETIMES!.
It's Definitely Impossible to live WITHOUT them.

That makes them My whole world. and She, is the centre of my universe.

They, are My Family.

A beautiful Mind

My days are incomplete, my nights, sleepless. Some people would call me crazy. Others, a fake. I am the way I am because of the way i think. Everything I do, or say, I imagine, or picture saying or doing first. I picture what would happen, from the most obvious to the worst possible scenario.

Either way, whatever does happen, isn't really much of a surprise.

I'm a realist, I understand the concept of probability of occurance.

The problem with a overactive Imagination is, Although it helps me figure out what to do when I'm in a bit of a pickle, I sometimes cannot stop it from reminding me of things i do NOT want to think about. The kind of stuff I have nightmares of.

It's hard knowing this, but the simple truth is:
This Beautiful mind is just as much a curse as it is a blessing.

Impressions

First Impressions form the basis, the foundations of all our relationships with the people we meet during the course of our lives. The first impression has a lasting effect . An impression, that's not necessarily the Best Impression. we are ALL Judgemental. Each to a different extent, but all in all, Judgemental.

The first time we see someone, we form a mental image of what they're like. And the rest of the time we know them, we compare what they actually are, to what WE think they are. which, isn't really a good thing. We are what we are, what WE choose to be, defined by OUR actions and by the decisions WE make. I mean, How would you like it if you were compared to someone? That too, to yourself? or atleast an idea of what you are?

Everyone in Judgemental, Also Everyone is unique. So every time someone Judges you. or compares you to someone, tell them this.

"I am me. DO NOT insult me by comparing me to someone else, OR to what YOU think I am."