Ten Thousand Words

It’s easy to lose track of time. Maybe it’s just something I’ve gotten particularly good at. It’s not unusual for me to question my choices now and again. I go over every permutation and combination I can imagine, searching for an alternative path—different decisions that could have led me somewhere else, to a place where I’d be better off, happier, stronger, or where the world might be better in some small way.

Every time I’ve had these doubts, you’ve reminded me that all those choices have made me who I am today. They’ve defined every aspect of me more than anyone else ever could—the good, the bad, and the ugly. I still haven’t figured out whether the ledger is in the black, but I do know that I’m a better man, a better human being, than I was when we first met.

You, on the other hand, have always been, to me, exactly what you were all those years ago: a beacon. Like a lighthouse guiding lost ships to shore. Like the sound of prayer bells and birdsong, reminding us to be grateful for all that’s good in this world.

I could probably think of a thousand ways to describe what you are to me, and write ten thousand words to express how much you mean to me, and yet I’d feel it still isn’t enough.

For years, I’ve been planning to visit, looking for a reason to “drop by” and “say hello.” But it never really worked out. Something else always got in the way—timing, circumstances, or the excuses we made out of fear and anxiety from not having seen one another for so long.

So, instead of ten thousand words, there’s one that feels just right. One word that keeps this wandering nomad from losing his mind and perfectly captures what you are to me:

Home…

Blank Pages

 I've been fascinated by the moon and the stars for as long as I can remember. looking up at the night sky, wondering if we're truly alone in the universe. existential crises. all of that. you know...

I'm sorry that I've given you reasons to doubt. I've reverted to being a work in progress for now. and I'll get there. I'll make you proud one day. 

If I had to come up with ways to describe how I feel about you. And, reasons why I'm sure it would work, there'd be a thousand things I'd want to say. And a thousand more I'd think of while doing just that. But I'm going to try and keep it simple, in order to not overwhelm you. 

I've waited over a decade to learn what you mean to me, I'd wait a decade, a lifetime more for it to all come true. And given the slightest hint of a chance, I'd make you mine in a Heartbeat, even if it were my last.

Here's the thing. over the past few years, there hasn't been a day where I haven't thought of you. Not one. Over a decade's worth of moments, memories, hopes and dreams have all brought me back to one singular truth. 

Whether the last time we'd spoken was earlier that day or a couple of years prior. It's always felt effortless. With a steady flow, less like a river and more like a glacier. Slow, purposeful and powerful enough to carve through any obstacle in it's path. 

You are my Centre. That's the simplest way I can put it. I don't think that I can express myself in words as eloquently as I once did. And normally that would be concerning. Except, with you, I know that I've got nothing to worry about. 

You've read me like an open book. Even when the pages were still blank and the chapter hadn't been written yet. 

I keep going, just like that glacier, fuelled by thoughts of you, falling into a fantasy, just the way I want to be, waiting on a hope, every second of every day of my life. 

Relentless

Too much time has past with nothing being done.
Too much has been left unsaid.

I start with these two lines because it occurred to me that more often than not, in this day and age, to put it simply, Zero fucks are given!

Web

http://m.caranddriver.com/

Andromeda

I am a Realist. However, I am also A Dreamer. And always have been.

The problem with being a realist is that, by nature, I find it mandatory to explain all events that occur, Logically.

I do not believe in destiny, I believe our decisions cumulatively lead to our fate.

But now, for what is probably the first time ever. I face something that i cannot seem to come up with an explanation for. Not even a far-fetched and completely outrageous one.

I simply cannot understand how or WHY two people, who've never met before, never spoken, texted or IM'd before and are 6676 miles apart would strike up a conversation. But it happened.

And her we are Twelve days later. And it feels like we've known each other since 1853.

There have been days when 10 hours had passed and we both felt like not more than 45 minutes had gone by.

There have been NO moments of awkward silence. We've always had something to talk about.

We've had serious discussions, laughed at each other's silly habits, smiled just because the moment called for it. We've argued to the point where one of us - Usually ME, has had to give up because there simply wasn't any winning.

[ But then again,, maybe i just let her win ;) ]

Now, since I've never believed in destiny or chance or things like that it is hard for me to swallow the fact that there is NO logical Explanation for this girl simply walking into my life. None whatsoever. And that too at the Exact moment I decide that I need someone I can talk to, about anything and everything. Someone I can trust to be my backup. And She does all that. She stands up for me, even against my own stupidity.

I'll tell you this. I know, from experience, that everything that's good, has an ending.

And everything great will have a sad ending. This is beyond that. And when it ends, which it will, there will be tears

But, I've decided, that instead of dreading what might happen in the future I'm just going to take it as it comes.

because This may last another 60 years or another 60 seconds.

At this point I must explain that though it seems like it, I AM NOT in love with this girl.

And she is not, and never will be my "sister".

Those of you who think A boy n a girl can only be good friends if they're brother and sister, Should be Shot. TWICE*.

She is a friend, And I hate to admit it - a Darn good one! :P

She's hard on the outside but warm n gooey on the inside. She's usually the quiet one but can party till past 4 am. She's quick-witted and smart though she may not seem it. ;)

She's one of those, who could make a 14-hour flight seem like a walk in the park. She could also make a walk in the park seem like a 14-hour flight, Followed by a bus ride in Mumbai traffic. :P

All in all, she is Awesome fun and Amazing company. She is Definitely the only person I know who's stayed up till 6am talking, to a guy she's knows for hardly 3 days, about how she hates uncooked onions and complaining that can openers suck because they don't open canned pineapple.

Now there are probably some of you (probably guys) reading this, sitting there thinking, "Oh cool. Nice, I bet she's hot. And since she's only hard on the outside, A little sweet talking should do the trick"

I'll tell you what. 

You go ahead and try every cheesy line in the book.

And SUPPOSE one of them works, Remember this, She's armed. That too with an Axe. And its sharper than the pointy end of a hypodermic needle. So unless you want a couple of "inches" missing, Backoff.

For those of you who do not know what Andromeda is.

Andromeda is, in size the Largest Galaxy in the Local group of galaxies.

also, unlike most other galaxies in our universe, Andromeda is heading TOWARDS our own Galaxy, The Milky Way.

Popular theory is that in about 4.5 Billion years Andromeda and The Milky Way will collide. the only problem is than no one knows what happens next. They may both merge to form a larger galaxy. One may Perish while the other remains. Or, they may both be destroyed.

D. and I are like that. Two different galaxies, very similar in many ways, but distinct in critical a few, Colliding. Its one of those times in our lives when you have no idea what's going to happen. It's both Exciting and Terrifying at the same time.

Now, When two galaxies collide, you don't go around poking them with a stick, and asking stupid questions, Like some Idiots I know. You stand back, try n keep your jaws from dropping and watch. Quietly. And just MAYBE, you get to see the most Spectacular sight in the known universe.

Galactic Collisions (Actual Picture)

*conditions apply.

The Better Man

At the end of a bad relationship, or a good relationship gone bad, the guy usually gets to hear one of two dialogues, usually!

1 you deserve much better.

2 you're not the man I thought you were

Ironically, not only have I had to hear both the first AND the second, I've also got a third,

"He's a much better man than you are"

Okay. Fine. I believe you.

But.

A man. A better man, doesn't beat his woman.

The better man doesn't treat his woman like she were his property, a possession.

The better man wouldn't keep his woman from her family and friends.

Also, when a woman, the love of his life says to him the words, " I'm pregnant", the better man doesn't respond with, "oh shit! Really? You sure"

He'd pick her up and hold her till he was sure she knew how she made him feel when she said those words, those words that meant the world to him"

The better man?? Ha!

What you've got there is just a big penis with a bag of flesh and bones attached to the other end. Don't get too excited, I mean big in a figurative sense.

Men, real men, have the cojones to start a bar fight for their women, AND to end it.

That's all that needs to be said.

Oh, and one more thing.

"Love, you can come back home if you like. But I don't see the point. Because I've burned the house down. Burned the home down. With me in it."

Lightning Rod

In the past, I've talked about how waiting for lightning to strike isn't enough. 

As a child, my eyes would widen at the sight of lightning cleaving the night sky, a brilliant display of nature's untamed power. A spectacle, at once beautiful and destructive, seemingly dancing from cloud to cloud. Every now and then, it made contact with the earth, often leaving a telling sign that what is mesmerizing can sometimes be one's ruin.

The notion that lightning never strikes the same place twice is a myth I've come to question. Perhaps it's not about the probability of where it strikes but the readiness to receive its charge. I think of it more like "Why should I strike you, down there".

It's a curious thing though. 300-something million volts of pure energy, Nature's way of balancing the scales in one of the most violent displays of power wrapped in a stunning sight. 

I know of someone like that. A bolt of lightning, one that holds the power to incinerate everything it touches. 

But, still, I hold up a lightning rod like some crazed maniac hell-bent on capturing lightning in a bottle. 

Maybe that's true. Or, 

maybe I'm just trying to balance the scales. 

Bring some order to the chaos. 

Maybe I was just meant to be the lightning rod. 

Maybe lightning doesn't strike the same spot twice. 

Unless you're a lightning rod.

Singularity

As I sit down to pen these thoughts, it strikes me how much has changed since those early days when I found a muse in you. Back then, it was all about the thrill of a new, unexpected connection, the excitement of the unknown. I'd imagine it's akin to what it would feel like to get hit by a train.

It hasn't always been strawberries and rainbows before You and I first spoke. My world has almost always been more chaos than order. But there you were. a muse, a friend, a chapter in my life's story that now seemingly draws to a close. You've been the melody in the silence, the poetry in the mundane. In your presence, even from afar, the world seemed more vivid, more alive. You've often been the inspiration that flowed through my words, turning simple thoughts into tapestries of emotion I didn't realize I could express.

Now, over a decade later, my reflections are more grounded, tempered by experiences that have shaped my understanding of the world, myself, and of you.

We've been on quite a journey, you and I. From those late-night conversations that defied logic and distance to this moment where our paths seem to diverge. It's a crossroads, not just in our story, but in the grander narrative of life itself. I've come to realize that every encounter, every connection, is part of a larger tapestry.

Ours was a connection like the cosmic dance of galaxies, a blend of serendipity and mystery. But as I've learned, the universe is not just about the spectacular collisions; it's also about the quiet departures, the subtle shifts in orbit that lead us to new experiences and growth.

This isn't a goodbye, not in the traditional sense. It's more of a recognition that our journey together has reached a point where we must take our individual paths. I've grown, I've evolved, and in that evolution, I've come to understand that letting go is not a loss, but a necessary step towards new beginnings. Despite the heartbreak.

You've been more than just a friend; you've been a catalyst for change and for growth, a mirror reflecting parts of me I needed to confront. And Perhaps, so much more that we'll never get to find out about.

I could go on for hours, but it's time that I shush...

With you, time was a mere illusion, and distance a trivial hurdle.

Our collision was a spectacular sight, a rare and beautiful anomaly.

So, here's to the lessons learned and the memories cherished.

---
P.S. For the record, what I'd rather say is this "I'm not walking away. You're mine. I Love You"  
It's a Curious thing, this Universe. Constantly expanding. Yet, held together. 
Gravity..."
x

Chasing Starlight

I haven't been around on this blue marble for very long. But, perhaps I've been around long enough to know a thing or two about how the world works.

These are strange times. There's no doubt about that. And there's a chance that some of it if not most will do irreversible damage to what's left of humanity. Or at least the version of it we've come to know. 

What's obvious to me now is that something must be done. Change isn't just inevitable. but the right kind of change is necessary. That being said, It's also true that we aren't really in a position to change anything for the better if all we do is keep fighting over trivial matters and distracting ourselves with meaningless distractions.

In a time of near-utter chaos, there must be the realization that growth only comes through discomfort, and that shying away from the fear of the unknown isn't a solution. 

Now there's more to this particular quote that caught my attention recently, but the gist of the matter is that hard times lead to the creation of stronger individuals. Those that are most likely to herald the coming of a new age where society as a whole will see progress.

Now, of course, this process is on its own a tedious one. And it won't come easy. The truth is that we've become a tad too soft, and as a result set ourselves up for failure. Evolution and survival of the fittest are no longer valid mechanisms that guarantee the perpetuation of the human race. Or at least it's no longer obvious.

Even then I believe that the strife that those individuals destined to bring the rest of us out of this pit will be worth it. And some may even have to be dragged kicking and screaming. But, Perhaps it's necessary. For there to be light after darkness, a match must be lit. Even the photons that reach us from the sun take up to 100,000 years to reach the surface of our star. But only take 8 minutes from there to reach our blue skies so that life may continue as it has for millions of years.

We know not what we have. But what we should know is that whatever we have must not be squandered.

Healing Wounds

An untreated wound of any kind is often the underlying cause of a lot of unnecessary suffering. Injuries can often cause us to shy away from seizing opportunities that have great potential, or completely turn away from trying anything new and for the first time. Strange considering how our ancestors likely never had 2 days that were similar in any way.

Untreated wounds may heal on their own, then again, they may fester, get worse and cause more pain than they should've in the first place.Wounds, physical or otherwise, can be a cause for concern. But the general idea of how to deal with one is that it'll be treated. And treated correctly. Sadly, we don't always do what we're supposed to.

A lot of the time we tend to ignore the little things, the smaller injuries, we tell ourselves that it's okay and that it'll take care of itself over time. And over time, we start to treat bigger problems the same way too.

Now, I may not be a medical doctor, or a trained psychologist. But sometimes I do feel like I have had enough experience with pain to have an opinion on what one might do. Perhaps someone that reads this will find some use for the information gathered from my decisions.

Its gotten to a point where I understand why treating injuries and wounds, physical or non-physical, is important and mustn't be taken for granted. I'd leave a little infected papercut to fester long enough that the entire arm needs to be amputated instead of just getting a band aid and some antiseptics and then maybe medication if it didn't help.

The point I'm trying to make is that a wound left untreated can, and will cause so much more pain than its supposed to.

But one that is treated properly and with the right care will heal, and the scars it leaves behind will fade. 

A Mirror

Children are often a reflection of the grownups around them. They don't always take our advice or listen to what they're told to do (or not do). But they do follow the examples set for them.

I sometimes get nervous around young children. Having none of my own and not knowing if I'd be setting a decent example for them. I've felt like being a responsible adult is easier around other adults than it is when being around the littlest children.

I Recently spoke with this toddler and something happened that I can't say I've ever felt before. My heart melted like butter in a hot pan. It felt like a bear imprinting on a young cub. 

I know now that I must do everything I can to make this world a better place. Make sure that theres something good to look forward to and that there still is wonder in this world for when they're grown up. 

It may not be in my story that I have little ones of my own. But if I did I'd try and have them be as carefree, happy and beautiful as this little munchkin. I see that there's been a good example set for them. And I'm not surprised, I've known the tree that this apples fallen from for more than half my life. 

You and I haven't met yet little one. But when we do I hope that I'm able to set the right examples for you. Until then, I pray for you to always have that twinkle in your eye. 

A sky of gold

We have an interesting perception of the sky, don't we? We've heard phrases like, "The Sky's the limit". But there's Oh so much more beyond the sky. So much that the sheer scale is simply incomprehensible to most of us

When we're asked what color the sky is we say, "It's Blue". But that's not entirely true now, is it?

The sky is Blue, But it's also dark, And usually, about twice a day it's what I find most similar to gold.

And even the dark night sky isn't really dark, just clear so we can see what's beyond the limits of the sky.

Perhaps the sky is the aptest example of the fact that there isn't really a limit. Always just room for growth, and improvement, to push further and travel farther. 

And that despite what popular opinion might state, that there are always endless possibilities. I suppose this applies to us individually and in society. 

Even those times of the day when the sky turns to gold. Even that, is special, A sign of change. Like curtains being drawn at the beginning and end of each show. thousands if not millions flock to sunrise and sunset points to catch that glimpse of the sun when it feels like it's not hell-bent on scorching the earth. 

A gold sky has captured imaginations and been romanticized for millennia. and will be for many more. And even if it all is still just an illusion that's alright. One day we'll break free and explore frontiers most of our ancestors didn't know existed. 

All I ask is that just like we recognize that the sky is not the limit and that we should at least dare to reach for the stars, However outlandish it may seem. Because you never know. 

Prisoner of my past

 What is it about the past that seems to hold me tied to it? It's as if I'm being held captive, a prisoner in my own mind.

It's been better recently for sure. I feel this sense of freedom. This fog I'm in the midst of is more like home. No longer do I cower at the thought of the dangers that lie within. Now I enjoy the fog. taking the few steps ahead. Watch my pace so I don't end up running myself off the road, for there's only so much ahead that I can see.

It's better this way. The future is uncertain. always has been. Only now have I learned that my only responsibility is to do things right, and to do the right things. for myself and for those that I hold dear.

One day I hope to bring to you all the broken pieces of me. To tell you all the stories, all the secrets of each piece and each cracked pane.

Maybe some of this has been penance for a past life or perhaps even for a future one. 

Everyone goes through something that changes us. Of course, this may be to varying degrees and it may be in different directions. Sometimes, especially if it's one of those things that feels like something's snapped on the inside. We talk about it, seek help and over time, move on while living with it. 

If only I'd learned this earlier.

I wish I'd learned that it's not just the heartbreak that causes pain. But more so the aftermath. Like mourning a loved one. Only, unlike in the event of their passing, we have this hope that the hundreds of questions spinning around like a tornado have to be answered. That we deserve "closure".

I know now that all this only anchors us in place. And if you're a sailboat like me, being anchored at sea. with not the slightest hint of a breeze isn't the best solution to the problem of running out of potable water.

With all that I carry around, I'm still sure that I'm headed the right way. I have my sight set on that distant snowcapped mountain, the summit hidden by dense fog. And although the climb may be backbreaking. I'm sure it'll be worth it all. 

The air will be clearer, and the noises will have faded away, And the view... What I would give to be able to set eyes on you.

Break the Cycle

 I've always tried to apply logic in everyday life. Of course, I'd ignore what the logic dictated my decision should be. Instead, ignoring red flags and seeing things, situations, and people with the, "I'll fix it" attitude.

Time and hindsight have taught me that the world owes me nothing. And that my role on this blue marble we call home, is to live my life, and mine alone. 

Over the past few years I'd come to believe that even IF I'd made it out of the hellhole I'd dug myself into, I'd probably end up having to go through the rest of my days by myself. Unable to trust another human being and unwilling to try. 

Making just a few minor changes has given me enough breathing room to be able to actually pay attention to what's around me. To see people for what they are unlike how I'd earlier have handled things, Not allow myself to romanticize every conversation. 

Let's be honest for a minute. Very rarely do we come across a person that we truly need. Often we tell ourselves that's the case, Only to find out that we were barely a footnote. Sometimes after a few weeks, and sometimes after years of pouring every ounce of love, respect, and affection into maintaining a healthy relationship.

I fail to understand how an individual can watch another go through so much debilitating pain and still subject them to more. How are we not more aware or even just a tiny bit more mindful? Why don't we ever see how being in their shoes would've annihilated us ages ago?

It boggles my mind because we often hear people talk about kindness and not spreading hate and being nice. And if memory serves me right, we were taught to see the good in everyone. But sometimes I wonder if there even is such a thing.

There has to be a way, Some way to break this endless loop. Now, I'm not claiming that life should be like a bed of roses. But maybe, just maybe, it can be a little better for us all.

To No One

 For the best part of the last 15 years, I've been a typical young adult. Making mistakes, getting into more trouble than I should, and having my heart broken, all on multiple occasions.

I talked recently about how until only a few months ago I couldn't have seen myself try any harder to move on from the agonizing pain I'd been feeling. And although I might, in some way want to attribute that pain to other people, I now think that there's no point. because at the end of it all, it's My life, and my choices and decisions should dictate what happens next.

It doesn't matter who left, who said what, or who did what. What matters more is how I handled it, accepted it, and moved forward with my life.

And I can tell you now, that I didn't deal with any of it very well. In fact, I didn't deal with it at all.

I just let it all stew in a giant pot waiting for it to boil over or just dissolve me in my entirety. If anyone out there reading this can relate. Seek help. reach out to the people who will listen and who are willing to help.

I made the mistake of hanging on to all of it till it overwhelmed me, and then confided in what I'd now say was the absolute worst set of people I could've gone to.

After all this, there were the constant second-guessing, anxiety, and feelings of dread. The degree to which one feels loneliness is in itself heartbreaking. 

I trusted no one, and yet I kept looking for answers, seeking validation.

I say all this now because Although I'm aware that my struggles are not done with, not by a long shot. I now see a light at the end of the tunnel. And honestly, I don't care if it's daylight or a train. I'm getting out.

I say this now because I will find the strength again to take a few risks, learn more, and truly live life. And that I'll fall in love with my best friend, again. but this time it'll be better. because I've seen how I needed to work on myself first in order to be able to give more to another. 

And over the past decade I've realised that from that first day onwards, I will give her my all, Love her like she deserves to be loved, and not let any of my struggles get in the way of building an empire together.

The better question

Sometimes I wonder what the point of all this is. 

I mean why search for purpose in this world? why bother? that too in a world that seems more chaotic and cruel than ever, at least in the past few decades. What's the point?

Only in the recent past have I discovered that it's not necessarily about finding purpose, but perhaps, the question we should be asking ourselves, is are we living our lives? And I mean truly Living it.

Not confined by restrictions and rules imposed on us by those around us, excluding the rule of law, of course. And free to decide what defines a better quality of life for us 

Years in the making

It's been a while since I've been on here. To tell any kind of story. I'm not even sure there's anyone listening at this point. Not that it was the reason I started. 

Expressing emotions, thoughts, and just plain talking about what's on my mind has always been something I've struggled with. And boy has it been a struggle. A great support system is a luxury and even just one person being around or at least choosing to be there when you need them is, sadly, not guaranteed, not by any means.

 A little over Eleven years ago, I was inspired to start writing things down. a journal, blog, call it whatever you want. Now I may not be as eloquent or articulate as I once was. and quite frankly, I may not even have the zest and zeal of a man over a decade younger. 

But in this time, A lot has happened, as I'm sure is the norm. Things change, Where we live may change, people enter and leave our lives- some sadly lost to illness, some to circumstance, and some just drift apart. either way, change seems to be the norm.

In all this time, Through every roadblock, heartbreak, Illness, and injury, I seem to have learned that there's more to life than what we seek. And yet it's all just simpler than I'd thought it would be. 

Through all those times I've had a handful of people around for it all. And one, maybe two that stand out. I genuinely do owe my sanity to them. If only things were a little different. And circumstances didn't add to the distance.

Maybe in another lifetime I've often thought. Now I think, perhaps, there's time in this one. 

Unsaid

 Too many times, I've chosen to leave things unsaid. Whether it was heartbreak or when feeling butterflies in my stomach. Too much has been left unsaid and fear has always kept me from even trying in the first place.

We're taught as younglings that kindness, generosity, empathy, etc. are virtues and morals that we must hold dear. That these are principles to live by. And yet, I look around and see that this world seems to barely give a crap. And the few half-decent human beings still trudging through the mud and filth are usually beaten down to within an inch of breaking point.

I used to wonder what it would be like if we were just a little bit kinder, to nature, each other, and the thousands if not millions of species of flora and fauna we share this blue marble with. Hell even being mindful would've sufficed.

Then a little while ago, when in a dark place I let myself think that there's no point, That this world is doomed and so is everyone in it. That our children will inherit a planet beyond repair and their children most likely will have nothing but piles of rubble to call home.

Honestly, I'd given up. And I didn't believe that recovering from such heartbreak was ever possible. Until that is, I heard a voice. A voice, that's been there all along, for longer than I can remember, egging me on. To take just one more step, To wake up in the morning to see just one more day. and then repeat the process till the pain starts to fade.

Of course, the pain is still there, but it doesn't take center stage in my life anymore. And unlike earlier, it likely won't ever again. 

Over the years I've learned that life teaches us lessons. That we can learn from in order to be better human beings. But that only happens as long as we're living life, and not merely spectating as it passes us by. 

I've learned that it's okay to hurt, for a while. And that it's okay, probably imperative, that we learn to let go. Only then can we make way for something new. Something worth fighting for. Something that cannot be left unsaid.

I say these things as a man who until recently was but a hollow shell of a man that was once fascinated by the world, who trusted in people, and knew how to love unconditionally. A man who broke and lost faith in all those principles he had believed in. A man in chronic pain.

Today though, I stand taller, stronger, and perhaps even sharper than ever. 

I admit, There's no way to tell how the next chapter of this story will go. The point is that there IS a next chapter.  And this time, I'd rather not leave anything unsaid.

Dear Fellow Men

Today I'm Angry. not like I'm not usually angry on a regular tuesday. Let me give you some context.

I did something unusual today. for someone who has trouble sleeping. I took a nap late in the evening. A little after that, say in 15 minutes of scrolling through Instagram and I was furious, Like my blood was boiling to the point it felt like my eyes would pop. Fifteen Minutes and no less than 4 different reports of violence against women.

My question to my fellow men out there is what the hell happened?

How did we go from being little mommas boys and following our mums around like puppies to talking down to them when they tell us they're worried for us?

How did we go from being little kids who wanted to grow up to be our favourite superheroes to actually growing up to be, well for lack of a better word, monsters?

Who taught you that it's okay to catcall a woman who's minding her own business and just walking down the street, in broad daylight no less?  

Who gave you the authority to tell your wife or daughter or girlfriend that she was verbally or sexually assaulted because of something SHE did or said or because she drinks or smokes or of the way she was dressed?

I ask because I don't remember being told that it was okay to behave this way. Not at home, definitely not at the schools I went to and it's most certainly not how the friends I grew up with think or behave.

Yes we live in a society that's been patriarchal since forever. We've been discussing equality on the bases of cast, creed, colour, sex, sexual orientation and god knows what else for decades now. And STILL it only feels like we're becoming worse. 

How is it that we as men can walk around at all times of the night, whether in groups or even by ourselves and be okay with the fact that we tell our wives, girlfriends, sisters and female friends that it's NOT safe and they shouldn't be out by themselves. 

I agree though. It isn't safe. But neither is riding a motorcycle or raising a rottweiler without proper training. But we do those things anyway. Why? because it makes us more "macho" than the rest? Or just because those of us who chose to take that chance are "brave"?

How is it that when a woman still chooses to dress however she wishes or goes out with her friends that instead of say making sure they're safe and maybe even leave them be, there are those of us that decide we have the right to touch them or even say the most disgusting things to them?

Look. There's a chance that there still are atleast a few decent men out there. and to those of you, I ask that you stick by what you believe is right and treat the women in your life with respect above everything else. AND stand up for them when you see or hear of them being treated as anything less than being treated the way YOU would like.

And IF you see someone or know someone who has or talks about or even THINKS about assaulting a woman. Start chopping bits off of them. Screw consequences. there are over a billion of us. Losing a bunch won't really matter. Especially if it makes it a better place to live in.

Dear Women, 

I'm sorry this world and more specifically this country isn't a safe place for you to live in. And we don't deserve you. That's the truth. 

BUT, every so often you will meet a guy who goes out of his way to make your day. Who'd drive across the city to spend FIVE minutes with you. Someone who, even in this day and age brings you flowers, or writes you notes, for no reason whatsoever. A guy who once couldn't do much in a kitchen except boil water but spends hours, even days learning how to make you pancakes. And all this not because he'd like to get in your pants. But because it would make you happy

These men may not know what to say or do all the time simply because they understand you're constantly dealing with jerks sliding into your dms and sending you dick pics and want to in no way make you feel uncomfortable. 

One day these men will have their spirits break. Maybe even on more than one occasion. And all it'll take for their faith in humanity to be restored would be to know that you still believe in them and appreciate them. 

Dear Parents,

We've all got our busy schedules and work and family lives to deal with. But using "Log kya kahenge (what will people say)" as an excuse to tell your daughter she has to be home by sundown and allowing your son to be out till 3 am isn't right.

Scolding your teenage son that he should be paying attention to what's in his books instead of the cute girl he has a crush on May not be the right way to handle the situation.

Maybe, just MAYBE understanding , relating and explaining that this is all normal for a teenager and showing them how to behave might just mean the difference between him growing up to treating his wife/girlfriend or even random women on the street with respect or being an abusive husband and father.

Lightning

Does anyone else have those days where you feel like there's so much going on inside your head that you can't even hear yourself think?? Or is that just me?

Surely there's someone else out there.

The past few years have been rough. And at the end of last year I kept thinking, "2020, That'll be the year that I turn this boat around." 

Well, Then 2020 came to. Threats of world war, civil unrest, a couple of explosions, a bunch of idiots running their countries into the ground and to top it all off, a pandemic. Seems like new years was just a couple of weeks ago and now all of a sudden, like the memes floating around the internet say, we're all in the middle of level 10 of Jumanji.

And What is wrong with this world? It feels like every other day we hear more news of rape, murder and all they want us to hear about is which celebrities smoke pot and which TV news channel fudged their TRP ratings.

How has this entire fucking year not reminded every single one of us that life is simply too short. Why are we not paying attention to the simpler things?

I've always felt like I've made too many wrong decisions in my life. But every now and then I remind myself that whatever happened, whatever choices I've made, the paths I've taken, have made me who I am today. For better or worse. And THAT, isn't for ME to judge.

A weeks ago I realized that the solution to the issues has been staring me right in the face the whole time. ME. 

And have I made all the right decisions? Probably not. But at least it's a start.

What I need to put out there is this.

Life isn't as long as we think it'll be. It can all end in an instant. There may be heartbreak or injury or death. Nothing , NOTHING is guaranteed. If you've been waiting an age to do something. Go do it. Waiting for the right time may lead nowhere. Make THIS the right time. Make mistakes. Fall in love. Doesn't matter if it's someone you've met twice or your best friend. And when you do, Love unconditionally! Not that many of us know what that means. But just make the damn effort. and TELL THEM how they make you feel. it doesn't matter if they don't feel the same. Do your part. Show them how special a part they play in your life. Quit being afraid of "getting hurt". If you never "get hurt" How THE FUCK are you going to know when what's right for you is standing right in front of you? Take the leap, quit your job and open that cafe or salon you've been dreaming of setting up since forever. Why wait?

All I'm saying is. I think we've all spent long enough waiting for lightning to strike just right and time that perfect photograph or video. Only to end up being startled by the thunder that follows. 

BE the damn Lightning Bolt. Or at the very least be brave enough to hold up the lightning rod to the sky in the middle of a storm.