Prisoner of my past

 What is it about the past that seems to hold me tied to it? It's as if I'm being held captive, a prisoner in my own mind.

It's been better recently for sure. I feel this sense of freedom. This fog I'm in the midst of is more like home. No longer do I cower at the thought of the dangers that lie within. Now I enjoy the fog. taking the few steps ahead. Watch my pace so I don't end up running myself off the road, for there's only so much ahead that I can see.

It's better this way. The future is uncertain. always has been. Only now have I learned that my only responsibility is to do things right, and to do the right things. for myself and for those that I hold dear.

One day I hope to bring to you all the broken pieces of me. To tell you all the stories, all the secrets of each piece and each cracked pane.

Maybe some of this has been penance for a past life or perhaps even for a future one. 

Everyone goes through something that changes us. Of course, this may be to varying degrees and it may be in different directions. Sometimes, especially if it's one of those things that feels like something's snapped on the inside. We talk about it, seek help and over time, move on while living with it. 

If only I'd learned this earlier.

I wish I'd learned that it's not just the heartbreak that causes pain. But more so the aftermath. Like mourning a loved one. Only, unlike in the event of their passing, we have this hope that the hundreds of questions spinning around like a tornado have to be answered. That we deserve "closure".

I know now that all this only anchors us in place. And if you're a sailboat like me, being anchored at sea. with not the slightest hint of a breeze isn't the best solution to the problem of running out of potable water.

With all that I carry around, I'm still sure that I'm headed the right way. I have my sight set on that distant snowcapped mountain, the summit hidden by dense fog. And although the climb may be backbreaking. I'm sure it'll be worth it all. 

The air will be clearer, and the noises will have faded away, And the view... What I would give to be able to set eyes on you.