The better question

Sometimes I wonder what the point of all this is. 

I mean why search for purpose in this world? why bother? that too in a world that seems more chaotic and cruel than ever, at least in the past few decades. What's the point?

Only in the recent past have I discovered that it's not necessarily about finding purpose, but perhaps, the question we should be asking ourselves, is are we living our lives? And I mean truly Living it.

Not confined by restrictions and rules imposed on us by those around us, excluding the rule of law, of course. And free to decide what defines a better quality of life for us 

Years in the making

It's been a while since I've been on here. To tell any kind of story. I'm not even sure there's anyone listening at this point. Not that it was the reason I started. 

Expressing emotions, thoughts, and just plain talking about what's on my mind has always been something I've struggled with. And boy has it been a struggle. A great support system is a luxury and even just one person being around or at least choosing to be there when you need them is, sadly, not guaranteed, not by any means.

 A little over Eleven years ago, I was inspired to start writing things down. a journal, blog, call it whatever you want. Now I may not be as eloquent or articulate as I once was. and quite frankly, I may not even have the zest and zeal of a man over a decade younger. 

But in this time, A lot has happened, as I'm sure is the norm. Things change, Where we live may change, people enter and leave our lives- some sadly lost to illness, some to circumstance, and some just drift apart. either way, change seems to be the norm.

In all this time, Through every roadblock, heartbreak, Illness, and injury, I seem to have learned that there's more to life than what we seek. And yet it's all just simpler than I'd thought it would be. 

Through all those times I've had a handful of people around for it all. And one, maybe two that stand out. I genuinely do owe my sanity to them. If only things were a little different. And circumstances didn't add to the distance.

Maybe in another lifetime I've often thought. Now I think, perhaps, there's time in this one. 

Unsaid

 Too many times, I've chosen to leave things unsaid. Whether it was heartbreak or when feeling butterflies in my stomach. Too much has been left unsaid and fear has always kept me from even trying in the first place.

We're taught as younglings that kindness, generosity, empathy, etc. are virtues and morals that we must hold dear. That these are principles to live by. And yet, I look around and see that this world seems to barely give a crap. And the few half-decent human beings still trudging through the mud and filth are usually beaten down to within an inch of breaking point.

I used to wonder what it would be like if we were just a little bit kinder, to nature, each other, and the thousands if not millions of species of flora and fauna we share this blue marble with. Hell even being mindful would've sufficed.

Then a little while ago, when in a dark place I let myself think that there's no point, That this world is doomed and so is everyone in it. That our children will inherit a planet beyond repair and their children most likely will have nothing but piles of rubble to call home.

Honestly, I'd given up. And I didn't believe that recovering from such heartbreak was ever possible. Until that is, I heard a voice. A voice, that's been there all along, for longer than I can remember, egging me on. To take just one more step, To wake up in the morning to see just one more day. and then repeat the process till the pain starts to fade.

Of course, the pain is still there, but it doesn't take center stage in my life anymore. And unlike earlier, it likely won't ever again. 

Over the years I've learned that life teaches us lessons. That we can learn from in order to be better human beings. But that only happens as long as we're living life, and not merely spectating as it passes us by. 

I've learned that it's okay to hurt, for a while. And that it's okay, probably imperative, that we learn to let go. Only then can we make way for something new. Something worth fighting for. Something that cannot be left unsaid.

I say these things as a man who until recently was but a hollow shell of a man that was once fascinated by the world, who trusted in people, and knew how to love unconditionally. A man who broke and lost faith in all those principles he had believed in. A man in chronic pain.

Today though, I stand taller, stronger, and perhaps even sharper than ever. 

I admit, There's no way to tell how the next chapter of this story will go. The point is that there IS a next chapter.  And this time, I'd rather not leave anything unsaid.

Dear Fellow Men

Today I'm Angry. not like I'm not usually angry on a regular tuesday. Let me give you some context.

I did something unusual today. for someone who has trouble sleeping. I took a nap late in the evening. A little after that, say in 15 minutes of scrolling through Instagram and I was furious, Like my blood was boiling to the point it felt like my eyes would pop. Fifteen Minutes and no less than 4 different reports of violence against women.

My question to my fellow men out there is what the hell happened?

How did we go from being little mommas boys and following our mums around like puppies to talking down to them when they tell us they're worried for us?

How did we go from being little kids who wanted to grow up to be our favourite superheroes to actually growing up to be, well for lack of a better word, monsters?

Who taught you that it's okay to catcall a woman who's minding her own business and just walking down the street, in broad daylight no less?  

Who gave you the authority to tell your wife or daughter or girlfriend that she was verbally or sexually assaulted because of something SHE did or said or because she drinks or smokes or of the way she was dressed?

I ask because I don't remember being told that it was okay to behave this way. Not at home, definitely not at the schools I went to and it's most certainly not how the friends I grew up with think or behave.

Yes we live in a society that's been patriarchal since forever. We've been discussing equality on the bases of cast, creed, colour, sex, sexual orientation and god knows what else for decades now. And STILL it only feels like we're becoming worse. 

How is it that we as men can walk around at all times of the night, whether in groups or even by ourselves and be okay with the fact that we tell our wives, girlfriends, sisters and female friends that it's NOT safe and they shouldn't be out by themselves. 

I agree though. It isn't safe. But neither is riding a motorcycle or raising a rottweiler without proper training. But we do those things anyway. Why? because it makes us more "macho" than the rest? Or just because those of us who chose to take that chance are "brave"?

How is it that when a woman still chooses to dress however she wishes or goes out with her friends that instead of say making sure they're safe and maybe even leave them be, there are those of us that decide we have the right to touch them or even say the most disgusting things to them?

Look. There's a chance that there still are atleast a few decent men out there. and to those of you, I ask that you stick by what you believe is right and treat the women in your life with respect above everything else. AND stand up for them when you see or hear of them being treated as anything less than being treated the way YOU would like.

And IF you see someone or know someone who has or talks about or even THINKS about assaulting a woman. Start chopping bits off of them. Screw consequences. there are over a billion of us. Losing a bunch won't really matter. Especially if it makes it a better place to live in.

Dear Women, 

I'm sorry this world and more specifically this country isn't a safe place for you to live in. And we don't deserve you. That's the truth. 

BUT, every so often you will meet a guy who goes out of his way to make your day. Who'd drive across the city to spend FIVE minutes with you. Someone who, even in this day and age brings you flowers, or writes you notes, for no reason whatsoever. A guy who once couldn't do much in a kitchen except boil water but spends hours, even days learning how to make you pancakes. And all this not because he'd like to get in your pants. But because it would make you happy

These men may not know what to say or do all the time simply because they understand you're constantly dealing with jerks sliding into your dms and sending you dick pics and want to in no way make you feel uncomfortable. 

One day these men will have their spirits break. Maybe even on more than one occasion. And all it'll take for their faith in humanity to be restored would be to know that you still believe in them and appreciate them. 

Dear Parents,

We've all got our busy schedules and work and family lives to deal with. But using "Log kya kahenge (what will people say)" as an excuse to tell your daughter she has to be home by sundown and allowing your son to be out till 3 am isn't right.

Scolding your teenage son that he should be paying attention to what's in his books instead of the cute girl he has a crush on May not be the right way to handle the situation.

Maybe, just MAYBE understanding , relating and explaining that this is all normal for a teenager and showing them how to behave might just mean the difference between him growing up to treating his wife/girlfriend or even random women on the street with respect or being an abusive husband and father.

Lightning

Does anyone else have those days where you feel like there's so much going on inside your head that you can't even hear yourself think?? Or is that just me?

Surely there's someone else out there.

The past few years have been rough. And at the end of last year I kept thinking, "2020, That'll be the year that I turn this boat around." 

Well, Then 2020 came to. Threats of world war, civil unrest, a couple of explosions, a bunch of idiots running their countries into the ground and to top it all off, a pandemic. Seems like new years was just a couple of weeks ago and now all of a sudden, like the memes floating around the internet say, we're all in the middle of level 10 of Jumanji.

And What is wrong with this world? It feels like every other day we hear more news of rape, murder and all they want us to hear about is which celebrities smoke pot and which TV news channel fudged their TRP ratings.

How has this entire fucking year not reminded every single one of us that life is simply too short. Why are we not paying attention to the simpler things?

I've always felt like I've made too many wrong decisions in my life. But every now and then I remind myself that whatever happened, whatever choices I've made, the paths I've taken, have made me who I am today. For better or worse. And THAT, isn't for ME to judge.

A weeks ago I realized that the solution to the issues has been staring me right in the face the whole time. ME. 

And have I made all the right decisions? Probably not. But at least it's a start.

What I need to put out there is this.

Life isn't as long as we think it'll be. It can all end in an instant. There may be heartbreak or injury or death. Nothing , NOTHING is guaranteed. If you've been waiting an age to do something. Go do it. Waiting for the right time may lead nowhere. Make THIS the right time. Make mistakes. Fall in love. Doesn't matter if it's someone you've met twice or your best friend. And when you do, Love unconditionally! Not that many of us know what that means. But just make the damn effort. and TELL THEM how they make you feel. it doesn't matter if they don't feel the same. Do your part. Show them how special a part they play in your life. Quit being afraid of "getting hurt". If you never "get hurt" How THE FUCK are you going to know when what's right for you is standing right in front of you? Take the leap, quit your job and open that cafe or salon you've been dreaming of setting up since forever. Why wait?

All I'm saying is. I think we've all spent long enough waiting for lightning to strike just right and time that perfect photograph or video. Only to end up being startled by the thunder that follows. 

BE the damn Lightning Bolt. Or at the very least be brave enough to hold up the lightning rod to the sky in the middle of a storm.

The Journey

I think it's about time I started talking about real issues. And NOT just my own.

I'm thinking the issues, thoughts and fears that aren't unique to a single individual but that a larger demographic of the general population can relate to.

So, let's go with something simple.

The decisions we make daily.

Watching the news and frankly all the information on social media, started to make me wonder whether this new virus is the pandemic or if it's nature's way of eliminating the true infection - Human beings.

And yes there are those of us who do good and contribute to society and help everyone and anything they can to make the world a better place.

But what about the rest of us. When was the last time any of us stopped to help an old lady cross the road or stopped traffic to make sure a kitten didn't get run over? know what. fuck that. That's too much to ask of us humans. When's the last time you called your parents or grandparents just to say "Hi"?

What is wrong with us? HOW is it that we can put another human being through hell for the littlest things and actually manage to sleep at night?

All the thieves, murderers and rapists are monsters. That's something punishable by law. And so we condemn it. But what about those of us who emotionally torture those people we say are 'the best part our lives' and those of us who disregard others feelings for personal gain?

And then there's the insufferable dipshits who think it's alright to disrespect the elderly and women just because their thoughts and beliefs don't align?

For the longest time there's been a question, 'What's more important, the journey or the destination?' 

And although there's been conflicting opinions. The popular consensus is that it's The Journey.

I've come to disagree. In my opinion, it's neither the Journey or the Destination. These vary greatly for each individual.

What matters most is The COMPANION. 

The reason I bring this up is because we all, All wish for better companions to take our own personal journeys with.

How is it fair to ask for the universe, God , fate to bring us the perfect companion when we have done absolutely NOTHING to ourselves be better companions for another person, or even a pet for that matter.

All I'm saying is that we need to change things. Or there'll be no destination left to get to by the time our children and grandchildren are around.

It's up to us to communicate with one another better. And make this a better world to live in.

Secrets

There isn't a human alive who doesn't have regrets.
These may be something they've said, done or possibly NOT said/done.

Either way, we all have our demons, Our Secrets.

And it's never easy. Every reminder of these regrets hurts like a nail being hammered through your chest. or maybe a half a dozen nails.

So when someone opens up and builds up the courage to tell you one of these secrets. Remember, that they value you enough to open up to you. And that it couldn't have been easy. not by a long-shot.

Respect them for having the courage to face their fears and asking you to stand by them because they're scared.

Be the strength they need. And let them be yours.

I may not be the noblest of us all. Then again, I cannot judge you for the decisions you've made in the past. Without support and without counsel.

What I do promise though, is that I will Always stand by your side. I'll be there when you're right to give you that extra push. and I'll be there when you're wrong, to provide damage control.

It may seem like I've taken on many roles in the past few months. Your cook, stylist, bodyguard, date, driver, etc.

But remember. Before I can be worthy of anything and above all else, I will be,
Your Protector and your Friend