Ten Thousand Words

It’s easy to lose track of time. Maybe it’s just something I’ve gotten particularly good at. It’s not unusual for me to question my choices now and again. I go over every permutation and combination I can imagine, searching for an alternative path—different decisions that could have led me somewhere else, to a place where I’d be better off, happier, stronger, or where the world might be better in some small way.

Every time I’ve had these doubts, you’ve reminded me that all those choices have made me who I am today. They’ve defined every aspect of me more than anyone else ever could—the good, the bad, and the ugly. I still haven’t figured out whether the ledger is in the black, but I do know that I’m a better man, a better human being, than I was when we first met.

You, on the other hand, have always been, to me, exactly what you were all those years ago: a beacon. Like a lighthouse guiding lost ships to shore. Like the sound of prayer bells and birdsong, reminding us to be grateful for all that’s good in this world.

I could probably think of a thousand ways to describe what you are to me, and write ten thousand words to express how much you mean to me, and yet I’d feel it still isn’t enough.

For years, I’ve been planning to visit, looking for a reason to “drop by” and “say hello.” But it never really worked out. Something else always got in the way—timing, circumstances, or the excuses we made out of fear and anxiety from not having seen one another for so long.

So, instead of ten thousand words, there’s one that feels just right. One word that keeps this wandering nomad from losing his mind and perfectly captures what you are to me:

Home…

Blank Pages

 I've been fascinated by the moon and the stars for as long as I can remember. looking up at the night sky, wondering if we're truly alone in the universe. existential crises. all of that. you know...

I'm sorry that I've given you reasons to doubt. I've reverted to being a work in progress for now. and I'll get there. I'll make you proud one day. 

If I had to come up with ways to describe how I feel about you. And, reasons why I'm sure it would work, there'd be a thousand things I'd want to say. And a thousand more I'd think of while doing just that. But I'm going to try and keep it simple, in order to not overwhelm you. 

I've waited over a decade to learn what you mean to me, I'd wait a decade, a lifetime more for it to all come true. And given the slightest hint of a chance, I'd make you mine in a Heartbeat, even if it were my last.

Here's the thing. over the past few years, there hasn't been a day where I haven't thought of you. Not one. Over a decade's worth of moments, memories, hopes and dreams have all brought me back to one singular truth. 

Whether the last time we'd spoken was earlier that day or a couple of years prior. It's always felt effortless. With a steady flow, less like a river and more like a glacier. Slow, purposeful and powerful enough to carve through any obstacle in it's path. 

You are my Centre. That's the simplest way I can put it. I don't think that I can express myself in words as eloquently as I once did. And normally that would be concerning. Except, with you, I know that I've got nothing to worry about. 

You've read me like an open book. Even when the pages were still blank and the chapter hadn't been written yet. 

I keep going, just like that glacier, fuelled by thoughts of you, falling into a fantasy, just the way I want to be, waiting on a hope, every second of every day of my life. 

Relentless

Too much time has past with nothing being done.
Too much has been left unsaid.

I start with these two lines because it occurred to me that more often than not, in this day and age, to put it simply, Zero fucks are given!

Web

http://m.caranddriver.com/

Andromeda

I am a Realist. However, I am also A Dreamer. And always have been.

The problem with being a realist is that, by nature, I find it mandatory to explain all events that occur, Logically.

I do not believe in destiny, I believe our decisions cumulatively lead to our fate.

But now, for what is probably the first time ever. I face something that i cannot seem to come up with an explanation for. Not even a far-fetched and completely outrageous one.

I simply cannot understand how or WHY two people, who've never met before, never spoken, texted or IM'd before and are 6676 miles apart would strike up a conversation. But it happened.

And her we are Twelve days later. And it feels like we've known each other since 1853.

There have been days when 10 hours had passed and we both felt like not more than 45 minutes had gone by.

There have been NO moments of awkward silence. We've always had something to talk about.

We've had serious discussions, laughed at each other's silly habits, smiled just because the moment called for it. We've argued to the point where one of us - Usually ME, has had to give up because there simply wasn't any winning.

[ But then again,, maybe i just let her win ;) ]

Now, since I've never believed in destiny or chance or things like that it is hard for me to swallow the fact that there is NO logical Explanation for this girl simply walking into my life. None whatsoever. And that too at the Exact moment I decide that I need someone I can talk to, about anything and everything. Someone I can trust to be my backup. And She does all that. She stands up for me, even against my own stupidity.

I'll tell you this. I know, from experience, that everything that's good, has an ending.

And everything great will have a sad ending. This is beyond that. And when it ends, which it will, there will be tears

But, I've decided, that instead of dreading what might happen in the future I'm just going to take it as it comes.

because This may last another 60 years or another 60 seconds.

At this point I must explain that though it seems like it, I AM NOT in love with this girl.

And she is not, and never will be my "sister".

Those of you who think A boy n a girl can only be good friends if they're brother and sister, Should be Shot. TWICE*.

She is a friend, And I hate to admit it - a Darn good one! :P

She's hard on the outside but warm n gooey on the inside. She's usually the quiet one but can party till past 4 am. She's quick-witted and smart though she may not seem it. ;)

She's one of those, who could make a 14-hour flight seem like a walk in the park. She could also make a walk in the park seem like a 14-hour flight, Followed by a bus ride in Mumbai traffic. :P

All in all, she is Awesome fun and Amazing company. She is Definitely the only person I know who's stayed up till 6am talking, to a guy she's knows for hardly 3 days, about how she hates uncooked onions and complaining that can openers suck because they don't open canned pineapple.

Now there are probably some of you (probably guys) reading this, sitting there thinking, "Oh cool. Nice, I bet she's hot. And since she's only hard on the outside, A little sweet talking should do the trick"

I'll tell you what. 

You go ahead and try every cheesy line in the book.

And SUPPOSE one of them works, Remember this, She's armed. That too with an Axe. And its sharper than the pointy end of a hypodermic needle. So unless you want a couple of "inches" missing, Backoff.

For those of you who do not know what Andromeda is.

Andromeda is, in size the Largest Galaxy in the Local group of galaxies.

also, unlike most other galaxies in our universe, Andromeda is heading TOWARDS our own Galaxy, The Milky Way.

Popular theory is that in about 4.5 Billion years Andromeda and The Milky Way will collide. the only problem is than no one knows what happens next. They may both merge to form a larger galaxy. One may Perish while the other remains. Or, they may both be destroyed.

D. and I are like that. Two different galaxies, very similar in many ways, but distinct in critical a few, Colliding. Its one of those times in our lives when you have no idea what's going to happen. It's both Exciting and Terrifying at the same time.

Now, When two galaxies collide, you don't go around poking them with a stick, and asking stupid questions, Like some Idiots I know. You stand back, try n keep your jaws from dropping and watch. Quietly. And just MAYBE, you get to see the most Spectacular sight in the known universe.

Galactic Collisions (Actual Picture)

*conditions apply.

The Better Man

At the end of a bad relationship, or a good relationship gone bad, the guy usually gets to hear one of two dialogues, usually!

1 you deserve much better.

2 you're not the man I thought you were

Ironically, not only have I had to hear both the first AND the second, I've also got a third,

"He's a much better man than you are"

Okay. Fine. I believe you.

But.

A man. A better man, doesn't beat his woman.

The better man doesn't treat his woman like she were his property, a possession.

The better man wouldn't keep his woman from her family and friends.

Also, when a woman, the love of his life says to him the words, " I'm pregnant", the better man doesn't respond with, "oh shit! Really? You sure"

He'd pick her up and hold her till he was sure she knew how she made him feel when she said those words, those words that meant the world to him"

The better man?? Ha!

What you've got there is just a big penis with a bag of flesh and bones attached to the other end. Don't get too excited, I mean big in a figurative sense.

Men, real men, have the cojones to start a bar fight for their women, AND to end it.

That's all that needs to be said.

Oh, and one more thing.

"Love, you can come back home if you like. But I don't see the point. Because I've burned the house down. Burned the home down. With me in it."

Lightning Rod

In the past, I've talked about how waiting for lightning to strike isn't enough. 

As a child, my eyes would widen at the sight of lightning cleaving the night sky, a brilliant display of nature's untamed power. A spectacle, at once beautiful and destructive, seemingly dancing from cloud to cloud. Every now and then, it made contact with the earth, often leaving a telling sign that what is mesmerizing can sometimes be one's ruin.

The notion that lightning never strikes the same place twice is a myth I've come to question. Perhaps it's not about the probability of where it strikes but the readiness to receive its charge. I think of it more like "Why should I strike you, down there".

It's a curious thing though. 300-something million volts of pure energy, Nature's way of balancing the scales in one of the most violent displays of power wrapped in a stunning sight. 

I know of someone like that. A bolt of lightning, one that holds the power to incinerate everything it touches. 

But, still, I hold up a lightning rod like some crazed maniac hell-bent on capturing lightning in a bottle. 

Maybe that's true. Or, 

maybe I'm just trying to balance the scales. 

Bring some order to the chaos. 

Maybe I was just meant to be the lightning rod. 

Maybe lightning doesn't strike the same spot twice. 

Unless you're a lightning rod.